WillSpirit!

Whew! Finally!

I have a fair amount of computer experience, and have done some (extremely) basic programming. I’ve read the better part of a book about HTML/XHTML/CSS. I think I understand this stuff. Yet I spent hours yesterday trying to add a photo to my post. Had to contact the web hosting support system. They changed the permissions for the photo to what I already had them at (!). With a bit more fussing, and a full night’s sleep, I finally got the darn thing to work this morning. I don’t understand how there can be so many great-looking and elaborate blogs out there when I had to struggle so hard just to post one lousy picture.

Every time I start to get confident, it seems, life comes along and shows me my limitations. Since this has been going on for ten years now, I really don’t think this lesson is needed anymore, but it keeps coming. Imagine that I once had the ability and self-assuredness to operate on eyelids and faces. Now I hesitate to pass slow-moving trucks on a two lane road. Mental illness can do that to you, though I don’t suppose it has to. But getting hospitalized, and then having to give up on projects because of emotional instability deeply affected me. It left me wondering how much I’m capable of anymore.

After the photo debacle, it would be easy to conclude: not much. But hey, that didn’t have anything to do with mental illness, just inexperience. To some extent, even the problems I’ve had that were related to MI may have been due to lack of experience: I needed to learn how to work with the changes in my mind. Not that I could, or would want, to be a surgeon again. But there are many things I can do well, many of them that I could only do poorly before my illness, if at all. One of them, it seems, is laugh at myself. Another is to take it easy and not always push, push, push for success (remember that?) and perfection (say what?).

The good news is, I succeeded in getting the photo uploaded and visible. Now anyone interested can see where Amanda and I stay when in the foothills; thanks to her for taking the lovely picture. It’s very nice there. Quiet. Peaceful. Surrounded by life and nature. People evolved in natural settings, and I find myself returning to those roots. When all else fails: back to basics.

addendum:
I received my first bona fide comment yesterday! Thanks, Freda, for noticing me out here. I’ve gotten so many automated messages, that it is really nice to have an actual person check-in.

addendum #2: there has been a great discussion about childhood schizophrenia going on at The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive.