flowerThis is my response to a lovely essay written by Marian at Different Thoughts, in which she responds to my last commentary on our discussion about drugs, enlightenment, and choices.

I tried keep this short enough to work as a ‘comment’, but I have obvious difficulty with brevity. :)

First, I felt a little bad after my last post, because my tone came on so strong. We all work hard to survive and grow, and for some reason I felt like I needed to vigorously defend my choices and my progress along my trail to enlightenment (which, as we both understand, is something we can only glimpse along the way, not a destination to be permanently found). But, it became all-too-clear to me later on later that my response came off sounding sarcastic in places. It is not my desire to judge, and certainly not to attack, another person’s choices or opinions. That is my whole point, that I believe no one can really say what is best for another person. Maybe the place we agree the most is in reacting to the arrogance of a mental health system that treats people like diagnoses rather than individuals, and tells them what they ‘need’ on the basis of symptoms. Involuntary treatment stands as the most egregious example, of course. (Although in defense of psychiatry, society does demand that ‘something be done’ about people who are too disruptive. In that sense it is not ‘psychiatry’ that is at fault, it is our whole culture).

My intent was not to inflict violence or injury, and if I had that effect then I am very, very sorry. I have glimpsed the acrimony and judgement that exist in this discussion, and that get exacerbated by how we are each more or less hidden behind our computers, never to see each other in person (chances are). I have felt discouraged by the whole situation, and question whether to blog at all. I’ve definitely slowed down after my recent burst of enthusiasm (which mostly went unnoticed anyway). Gianna at Beyond Meds has signed off in response to such abusive treatment. I really do not want to be causing that kind of distress to anyone, no matter how much I agree or disagree.

I have had terrible experiences with therapy, by the way. Probably because my condition was too needy and vulnerable (but isn’t that the point?), but also because of unethical behavior on the part of the clinician(s). I wrote a blog post that touched on these misadventures, not too long ago.

This discussion has been fun and instructive. Whether it seems like it or not, my attitudes have shifted; I am not all the way to your manner of seeing things, but you have moved me closer. I appreciate that you engaged me, and sent a few visitors to my nascent blog in the process. I look forward to following your writing as time goes on. I also admire, you should know, that you blog in Danish, and thus widen your message. It would be a shame if the anger others direct at you makes you decide you to back out of the arena–though I certainly understand why you might need to do so for self-protection. I do hope it does not come to that, and I apologize again for any pain my comments caused you.

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