Sadly, no one seems to have been intrigued by my last post. Of course, the number of people visiting my still-new blog remains small. (I have to keep reminding myself how recently I started this project, or else I get discouraged when I visit sites that get ten comments to a post.) Maybe it just happened that no one tuned in to look at the post. Probably a sign that I need to head back out to some of the other 200,000,000 blogs and start leaving comments, so people will find out about me.
Nevertheless, as I slept last night (actually, as I laid awake thinking) this sense of being ‘called’ to write out my spiritual understanding grew stronger and stronger. I cannot let the power of my psychotic ‘visions’ just pass out of my life the way you gradually forget about a bad flu. I refuse to think what happened was just a symptom of ‘mental illness’; at the time the experiences seemed to be true messages from something far larger and more mysterious than I had ever suspected to exist. Even though it remains clear to me that everything that happened might have just been hallucinatory and delusional, it still seems that I should not just brush it all off. It would be tragic if ‘God’ somehow communicated with me, and I just ignored the call. I have read quite a bit about spirituality and consciousness, and pondered quite a bit more, for the past nine years. Since for most of that time I have not been employed, those nine years translate into an enormous number of hours combining concentration and looking inward without thought (meditating) in order to work things out. It is a body of work I want to develop into a product for the world, knowing full well that chances are good no one will pay attention.
As spelled out in my ‘About’ section, I have a solid education for the task of pulling together basic principles of science (e.g., physics, mathematics, many areas of biology, etc). Given my spiritual readings, retreats, meditations, and a love of writing I feel comfortable and assured combining this science with even more basic spiritual principles. I think another advantage is that I began developing these ideas with few preconceived ideas about ‘God’. As I’ve mentioned in my ‘About’ section, my father worked hard to convince me that religion is no more valid than fantasy, and he mostly succeeded. However, my grandparents had deep-seated faith, and my older sister was exploring ‘New Age’ movements before they even got that name. So I always held my dad’s opinion lightly, remaining open to other possibilities. The end result was that I entered adulthood as something close to a ‘blank slate’ in spiritual matters.
I have great respect for Christianity. My ‘visions’ had many Christian elements, and for years afterward I practiced devoutly as a Roman Catholic. My ideas about Christ form part of my ‘philosophy’ (I need to come up with a better name; any ideas?), as will come out as I go along. I do believe Jesus had immense divine presence within him. As a caveat, however, I cannot say that I believe he was the only son of God. There have been others, with the Buddha coming instantly to mind (Despite the fact that the Buddha did not propose any kind of personal deity, I don’t think my ideas stand in much opposition to the fundaments of Buddhist philosophy. Others can be the judge of that as this goes forward.)
I truly hope someone will follow along with me, but if not I will still plug away. I don’t intend for this to be the onlything I blog about. Not at all. I may even move this project to its own page (but not a different URL, it is too important for me to move away from WillSpirit). I welcome, and actually would not hesitate to beg for input from others. I am under no illusion that I have the whole truth, or that I can’t gain from outside perspectives.
The goal is to come up with something that is as ‘true’ as I can make it, but also useful. I’m not sure I would be going to this trouble if I did not think my view of the universe has implications for how to live a good, productive, and satisfying life. I humbly pray (in my own sense of the term) for assistance to make this happen.
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Milo at http://likopoliom.blogspot.com
Will, I just read this post after leaving a comment for your most current one… I must say that I am still puzzled about the way I got treated following my conversion to Christianity… I was brought up in an abusive cult (nothing to do with Christianity) and he was much happier for me to stay there… weird hey?
Posted at July 26, 2009 on 9:37pm.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
Yes, the reaction of psychiatrists to religious feelings/thoughts/’visions’ can be surprising. Some research articles make statements like ‘belief in a hereafter may help patients cope with the damaging effects of their illness’, as if they just don’t get that the spiritual experience during psychosis can be enriching and life changing. Or that being in and out of psychotic mind states puts one more in touch with spiritual realms (what those realms are, exactly, is something that can be discussed at length; but that one can find such places during psychosis is beyond dispute).
But I suppose if you look at the mind as being fully explainable by shifting synaptic reactions and neurotransmitters, then you are unlikely to attribute much significance to visionary experiences, or higher states of mind. Better to adjust those chemicals and get things back to ‘normal’. By the way, I read a lot about neurophysiology, and believe strongly that our minds are determined by cellular activity. The question then becomes, do ‘other’ influences affect the cells? That’s a long story that I started getting into here on the blog, but now I think it is not really interesting people. I may put my beliefs on another page of this blog, but they won’t get top billing.
Anyway, thank you for following my site. I truly appreciate hearing about your experiences vis a vis Christianity and psychiatry. I also apologize for leaving such long commentary on a short comment. Sometimes I just can’t stop writing about this stuff…
Posted at July 26, 2009 on 10:07pm.
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Marian at http://diffthoughts.blogspot.com
‘belief in a hereafter may help patients cope with the damaging effects of their illness’
Wow! So far, I’ve mostly heard of professionals damning any belief in other than pharmaceutical (or electric) “help” as being “magical thinking”, thus being a “symptom” of “mental illness”. This beats it all. The statement seems to originate in the same ideology, that once was used to keep society’s lower classes from revolting against their oppression. “Resign yourself to your fate, and you’re guaranteed a place in heaven for all the suffering you so patiently have endured in this life.” Can it get more cynical?
Posted at July 27, 2009 on 8:56am.
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Lili at http://YourWebsite
My personal thought is that the creator allows the doors in the mind to open in whatever way they will. At the end of each door opening there is an understanding or period of growth. What’s the saying? All rivers lead to the sea? Do you need a mindset, defined thought process, explanation,symbol, etc to make this process “real” or “valid”?
Posted at October 27, 2009 on 3:34pm.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
Lili–
Yes. My ‘visions’ had a fundamental scientific character, perfectly attuned to my background and interests. Another person might have seen Christ on the cross, or the Buddha under the bodhi tree. For me, it was an explosion of a submicroscopic point into the full flower of time and space. Naturally, I tend to think a vision based on established physics to be more ‘trustworthy;’ but a creationist would never buy it, any more than I would believe a vision of the Abrahamic God walking with Adam in the garden. The most important factor is: what does the experience do to one’s behavior. If it doesn’t improve one’s treatment of others, or improve one’s acceptance of life, then it is only a fantasy or hallucination. But if it is transformative, then it is valid no matter its outward form.
I haven’t thought much about this since I wrote the post. Thanks for giving me an insight and reason to explore it further.
–Will
Posted at October 30, 2009 on 8:37pm.