Comments on: Abandonment Issues. Online friends. http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/ Where Will meets Spirit Thu, 09 Sep 2010 04:49:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Milo http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-130 Milo Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:56:28 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-130 Oh my God Will! of course you can! of course you can! thank you! Oh my God Will! of course you can! of course you can! thank you!

]]> By: Will http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-128 Will Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:12:02 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-128 Milo, you strike me as so incredibly gentle and kind... I am glad you found my site and that you comment. You mentioned on your own site how you had gotten someone's approval to put them on your blogroll. I had not thought to do that before. But can I place your site on mine? Milo, you strike me as so incredibly gentle and kind… I am glad you found my site and that you comment. You mentioned on your own site how you had gotten someone’s approval to put them on your blogroll. I had not thought to do that before. But can I place your site on mine?

]]> By: Will http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-127 Will Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:10:08 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-127 As usual, Marian, you have made me think. Prompted what I plan to blog on today after responding to the comments. As usual, Marian, you have made me think. Prompted what I plan to blog on today after responding to the comments.

]]> By: Will http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-126 Will Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:08:36 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-126 Thank you, CC. Losing the ability to perform surgery, and hence my career, hit me hard. Despite that, I am much happier now than back then. Almost ten years have passed, and at first I felt miserable. Now, however, I am glad not to be stressed out all the time. Clinical work never 'fit' very well. I have ADD, and although the formal diagnosis came recently, I've always had trouble with details. That made being a doctor, especially a surgeon, especially an ophthalmic surgeon, quite a challenge for me. I did well once in practice, according to the feedback I got and the results I saw, but the training programs were brutal for me. Always afraid I'd forget some crucial detail. And sometimes, I did. Now I don't have to worry about such things anymore. So same as you work was my escape, but I am better off not needing one. Yes? Thank you, CC. Losing the ability to perform surgery, and hence my career, hit me hard. Despite that, I am much happier now than back then. Almost ten years have passed, and at first I felt miserable. Now, however, I am glad not to be stressed out all the time. Clinical work never ‘fit’ very well. I have ADD, and although the formal diagnosis came recently, I’ve always had trouble with details. That made being a doctor, especially a surgeon, especially an ophthalmic surgeon, quite a challenge for me. I did well once in practice, according to the feedback I got and the results I saw, but the training programs were brutal for me. Always afraid I’d forget some crucial detail. And sometimes, I did. Now I don’t have to worry about such things anymore. So same as you work was my escape, but I am better off not needing one. Yes?

]]> By: ClinicallyClueless http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-125 ClinicallyClueless Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:03:01 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-125 By witing this blog you are touching others with your honesty. I read your background and felt saddened by the major changes that you had to make. I took had to make major changes and found out how much stress working really is. It was my escape though. I just started blogging about a year ago and my Clinically Clueless blog has been instrumental in my healing. Similar to what you said, the blog is not you, so don't take things personally including the number of comments and visitors. Take care, CC By witing this blog you are touching others with your honesty. I read your background and felt saddened by the major changes that you had to make. I took had to make major changes and found out how much stress working really is. It was my escape though.

I just started blogging about a year ago and my Clinically Clueless blog has been instrumental in my healing. Similar to what you said, the blog is not you, so don’t take things personally including the number of comments and visitors.

Take care,
CC

]]> By: Marian http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-124 Marian Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:51:10 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-124 I don't know why you put #4 in brackets, as it seems the most important point to me. I think, all human beings have a certain fear of being abandoned. According to Maslow, the need for belonging is a basic human need. If you don't feel accepted and loved by others - which is what it's all about - you can't develop self-acceptance or self-love. There are several ways to deal with a deficiency of self-acceptance and self-love. You can try and get people "hooked" on you, make and keep them dependent on you. Or you can keep them at arm's length, push them away, respectively abandon them in your turn, before they ever get the chance to abandon you. In either case, you'll never have a satisfactory relationship with anyone. You'll feel lonely, no matter what you do. Even if your blog gets several hundreds or thousands of hits and comments a day, it won't really relieve the feeling of loneliness other than momentary and superficially. So, what can you do? The usual: accept - that a) no matter what we do, we are always alone as person(alitie)s. Even the most symbiotic, possessive relationship leaves you alone, because it leaves no room for the other to be. So, you're alone in it. The other is reduced to being an object of your desire, that is, to a part of yourself. Well, and that b) we're all connected through our consciousness, through our true being, in being. Accept and let go, or: let be. :) I don’t know why you put #4 in brackets, as it seems the most important point to me. I think, all human beings have a certain fear of being abandoned. According to Maslow, the need for belonging is a basic human need. If you don’t feel accepted and loved by others – which is what it’s all about – you can’t develop self-acceptance or self-love. There are several ways to deal with a deficiency of self-acceptance and self-love. You can try and get people “hooked” on you, make and keep them dependent on you. Or you can keep them at arm’s length, push them away, respectively abandon them in your turn, before they ever get the chance to abandon you.

In either case, you’ll never have a satisfactory relationship with anyone. You’ll feel lonely, no matter what you do. Even if your blog gets several hundreds or thousands of hits and comments a day, it won’t really relieve the feeling of loneliness other than momentary and superficially.

So, what can you do? The usual: accept – that a) no matter what we do, we are always alone as person(alitie)s. Even the most symbiotic, possessive relationship leaves you alone, because it leaves no room for the other to be. So, you’re alone in it. The other is reduced to being an object of your desire, that is, to a part of yourself. Well, and that b) we’re all connected through our consciousness, through our true being, in being. Accept and let go, or: let be. :)

]]> By: Milo http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-123 Milo Tue, 28 Jul 2009 07:42:45 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-123 I hate the feeling of being abandoned too. It usually happened when mum left me on my own. I was really young but it is one of the most painful memories. I do get alot of comfort from loving my little dogie though. oh she is so fine and kind. I look after babies in my church theses days and really good at putting them to sleep. I think of it as a gift and keep sharing it. By the way Will, I went through your archives and read about your stepmum... I cried and I am sorry... so sorry and the good friend that passed away... that post brought tears to my eyes too. I think he was so lucky to have you as his friend. May he finally rest in peace... Amen Milo I hate the feeling of being abandoned too. It usually happened when mum left me on my own. I was really young but it is one of the most painful memories. I do get alot of comfort from loving my little dogie though. oh she is so fine and kind. I look after babies in my church theses days and really good at putting them to sleep. I think of it as a gift and keep sharing it. By the way Will, I went through your archives and read about your stepmum… I cried and I am sorry… so sorry and the good friend that passed away… that post brought tears to my eyes too. I think he was so lucky to have you as his friend. May he finally rest in peace… Amen
Milo

]]> By: Wellness Writer http://willspirit.com/2009/07/27/571/comment-page-1/#comment-122 Wellness Writer Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:15:19 +0000 http://willspirit.com/?p=571#comment-122 Dear Will, I believe we can develop wonderful virtual communities of people who care about each other, and are very supportive. I also believe that it's really important to have people listen to our stories and comment. I finally understand that the total numbers are less important--at least to me--than the comments that are usually made by a few regular readers who care about me. And then every so often someone new comes into the fold. And once again I'm delighted to find another kindred spirit with like sensibilities! Susan Dear Will,
I believe we can develop wonderful virtual communities of people who care about each other, and are very supportive. I also believe that it’s really important to have people listen to our stories and comment. I finally understand that the total numbers are less important–at least to me–than the comments that are usually made by a few regular readers who care about me.

And then every so often someone new comes into the fold. And once again I’m delighted to find another kindred spirit with like sensibilities!

Susan

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