How do other people make big decisions? I am trying something new: to look at what matters to me rather than what I ‘want’ or ‘need’. Art and beauty and creativity have long been fundamental forces in my emotional universe. But when I’ve thought about what to ‘do with my life’ it always comes down to practicality. How do I make sure of an income? How do I salvage something useful from my old career? How do I avoid looking unrealistic, or selfish, or immature?
But if I ask what really matters to me, it is my writing. If I ask what gives me satisfaction, it is my writing. If I ask what I would like my life to be about it is (you guessed it.)
This is another short post, to keep up my connection with this little web site. I owe the topic and approach to ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.) Right or wrong, I’m using ACT ideas to guide my next step in life. Any suggestions others have for how to make decisions would be quite welcome.
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WonderingSoul at http://unattractivenavalgazing.blogspot.com/
Hi Will,
Just to say, I haven’t got any answers but I really hear that you are constantly feeling he tension between doing what you hav a passion for and being practical.
I think the two can exist alongside each other somehow.
Still listening,
WS
Posted at November 1, 2009 on 3:19am.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
WS–
I’ve thought of things like writing about medicine and health. The pay sounds like it is generally poor, but more reliable than with more ‘creative’ work. All my life I’ve found ways to write as I pursued more grounded career paths, so it should be something I can do again.
I’m fortunate that I have a few years to work things out; I don’t need an income right now. In the end, it’s a question of confidence. Do I think I can (eventually) succeed at making a living as a writer despite the long odds? There is no way to be sure. So spending time and money improving my writing is not the same as, say, going to medical school. There is no definite employment at the end of it. But while I believe I can muster the energy to finish a writing degree, I don’t see myself succeeding at anything more ‘practical.’ Almost exactly a year ago I tried to get accepted to a handful of psychiatry residencies and also some psychology graduate programs. I was very honest (against many words of advice from others) about my psychiatric history, and was rejected everywhere. I could try that again, with different programs and a more sensible approach to revealing my past, but my feeling had been: ‘if these people can’t accept that someone can get very ill and then recover enough to function as a therapist, then they are too close-minded and I’m not interested.’ I don’t have that petulant arrogance anymore, but the point still stands; if I can’t be honest about myself, then why would I want this? But actually the issue is larger: writing is part of my soul; psychotherapy is just something I might be good at and might be a more ‘sure thing.’ And I don’t know if my energies are sufficient to put myself through a rigorous psych program with such lackluster motivation.
Well, I’m just musing here. I am definitely looking for the way to bring practicality into the picture without abandoning my dream. Thanks for reading and commenting.
–Will
Posted at November 2, 2009 on 6:11am.