I’ve thought of things like writing about medicine and health. The pay sounds like it is generally poor, but more reliable than with more ‘creative’ work. All my life I’ve found ways to write as I pursued more grounded career paths, so it should be something I can do again.

I’m fortunate that I have a few years to work things out; I don’t need an income right now. In the end, it’s a question of confidence. Do I think I can (eventually) succeed at making a living as a writer despite the long odds? There is no way to be sure. So spending time and money improving my writing is not the same as, say, going to medical school. There is no definite employment at the end of it. But while I believe I can muster the energy to finish a writing degree, I don’t see myself succeeding at anything more ‘practical.’ Almost exactly a year ago I tried to get accepted to a handful of psychiatry residencies and also some psychology graduate programs. I was very honest (against many words of advice from others) about my psychiatric history, and was rejected everywhere. I could try that again, with different programs and a more sensible approach to revealing my past, but my feeling had been: ‘if these people can’t accept that someone can get very ill and then recover enough to function as a therapist, then they are too close-minded and I’m not interested.’ I don’t have that petulant arrogance anymore, but the point still stands; if I can’t be honest about myself, then why would I want this? But actually the issue is larger: writing is part of my soul; psychotherapy is just something I might be good at and might be a more ‘sure thing.’ And I don’t know if my energies are sufficient to put myself through a rigorous psych program with such lackluster motivation.

Well, I’m just musing here. I am definitely looking for the way to bring practicality into the picture without abandoning my dream. Thanks for reading and commenting.

–Will

Still listening,

WS