This post is one in a string of essays about spirituality. It may make sense to start with the first entry in the project. On the other hand, the writing gets easier to read, and the posts shorter, later in the series.
A blog-friend questioned why many posts on this site claim to be spiritual, but none detail my most powerful transcendent experiences. She makes a good point. Metaphysical development occurs primarily in the heart. Years spent pondering metaphysics lead slowly to higher understanding, but a ‘peak’ moment grants immediate grasp of spiritual truths. Logic and facts do not convey what it’s like to be embraced by the Source (a.k.a. the Tao, the One, ‘presence’, ‘being’, God, and BIOPE). So why has my epoch of breakthroughs remained in the background?
Countless seekers have described how religious awakenings sear the soul. In poems, lyrical prose, paintings, song, and even movies, one can find examples of peak experiences. My greatest moments occurred in March 2000. Whatever it was that touched me, it left a permanent mark. My most recent ‘About‘ essay (quoted below) came pretty close to capturing one episode in a string of ‘ecstasies’:
A point of crimson light burst outward, revealing in an instant the full sweep of time, space, and matter; it was a replica of the Big Bang. I stood at a locus from which I viewed creation arising from subatomic scales to fill the entire span of the modern universe, in a near-instantaneous ‘vision.’ As I saw these things, I inhaled the atmosphere of all-encompassing love and ‘rightness’ that animates everything. I heard a chorus of celestial voices, and felt myself basking in a divine affection that erased all doubt that God existed, that life had meaning, and that I mattered.
This was just one piece of a week-long spiritual awakening. The first 72 hours were the most intense, with wave after wave of euphoria washing over me, often accompanied by strange sights, or even stranger interactions with others. Take it from me, spiritual breakthroughs happen to more-or-less ordinary people. The experience of God is real.
And yes, that’s the second of my ‘Keys to Faith‘, if anyone is counting.
You don’t need my story to know that people experience something that feels like God, of course. The best source of anecdotes is William James’s classic The Varieties of Religious Experience. James lists a gamut of spiritual feelings, from simple ‘Healthy Mindedness’ all the way to florid psychotic breaks like mine.
The problem with transcendent breakthroughs is that they could mean nothing. The most striking thing about my experiences was that they happened during waking hours, in the course of a bright spring day. Dreams of greater strangeness and complexity occur commonly, and if my visions had come during sleep they’d have left a weaker impression. Hallucinogenic drugs generate related phenomena. Tasting such agents as a youth led me to weird and synthetic feelings of a spiritual flavor, without the balanced, focused, and radiant love I felt in 2000. Even so, everyone knows the brain has the capacity to enter odd states, so one cannot conclude that ‘God’ is necessarily involved. In the months following March 2000 many people indulged my babbling about the visions. My experiences left me feeling an imperative to persuade others that they should have faith. Some even seemed to buy into my beliefs, delivered as they were with such passion. But most people edged away.
The only audience that believes another person’s spiritual visions is one already inclined toward faith. Such experiences can teach about God, but they don’t open the door for skeptics. The resistant mind can write them off as craziness or lies. That is why I do not lean on my transcendent breakthroughs in this project. Even though I still work to persuade others about faith, I now recognize that my subjective experiences don’t do the job.
On the other hand, there is no question that such things happen. And if God does exist, then It would have to reach us somehow. God’s presence in our brain might look exactly like hallucination, even if one came equipped with MR scanners and EEG machines. Andrew Newberg has demonstrated that during some peak experiences those parts of the brain that give us our sense of boundaries go silent. Which may explain why people feel so ‘at one’ with the universe. Does that mean something like ‘God’ reaches in and turns off those clusters of nerve cells? It is unlikely to be so simple, but who knows? The point is that although transcendent awakenings do not prove the existence of a larger realm, no one can prove they are meaningless, either. A brain scan simply shows that the brain has altered, which is not the same as saying ‘it’s all in your head’. If you want to bolster faith you already possess, then feel free to be moved by any of the countless personal accounts of enlightenment; they might, indeed, be showing us a higher plane.
***Click here for the next entry in this series.
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WonderingSoul at http://unattractivenavalgazing.blogspot.com/
Lots of food for thought Will.
I think I’ll probably come back and re read this because something, somewhere, somehow makes sense on a level I can’t quite reach.
I have had experiences like the one you describe.
It left me without doubt but somehow, doubt crept back in.
I wish it hadn’t.
Posted at January 3, 2010 on 4:32pm.
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jss at http://jssfive.blogspot.com
“I heard a chorus of celestial voices, and felt myself basking in a divine affection that erased all doubt that God existed, that life had meaning, and that I mattered.”
This is an interesting statement although I have to say that I don’t get this at all from your writing, i.e. that all doubt about the existence of God has been erased for you.
Funny thing about spiritual awakenings, they come in so many forms. This amazing flash of visions for you over a short period of time and for me over a much longer period of time, agonizingly slowly I would say now and actually in a fairly painful sort of way. Either way I suppose.
I, for one would like to hear more about this time in your life if you are so inclined to put it out there for the world to see. I always like to hear when rational, thoughtful people can admit, through their own experiences that they believe in more than the eye can see and the ear can hear. If there were more people with experiences such as your s who are also the type of person that demands that belief and faith in God does not mean relinquishing one’s intellectual and rational capacities I think it might at least inspire others to allow for the possibility and thus begin their own search.
Posted at January 4, 2010 on 10:50am.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
jss–
By writing, “…erased all doubt…” I meant that at that time there were no questions about the reality of these things. No hesitation. Utter conviction. If that level of faith had persisted, I wouldn’t be bothering with all this rational argument. But within a few years, my scientific training and atheistic upbringing made me question most of what I’d gained. My whole ‘Keys to Faith’ concept arises from my desire to win that treasure back from my logical ego. Fortunately, writing about my experiences has done more to restore my belief system than writing about the arguments. The ‘Keys’ are still necessary, because my left brain is still grumbling. But the visions hold more power than I knew, and just their memory is bringing me back to that place of no doubt. I don’t think I will ever again feel so filled with faith, and empty of hesitation, as I did in those moments when the universe sang to me. But I’m closer. I owe you a debt of gratitude for prompting me to write more about my experiences.
–Will
Posted at January 4, 2010 on 2:38pm.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
WonderingSoul–
You grasp my whole problem: “The experiences left me without doubt but somehow, doubt crept back in.” That’s why I’m writing all my rational arguments; to try to use reason to ease the doubts, so the experience of faith will be free to reemerge.
–Will
Posted at January 4, 2010 on 2:41pm.
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jss at http://jssfive.blogspot.com
You know funny thing is about these mystical, transcendent experiences people have these days. Our doctors and no doubt many psychologists dismiss them as ‘psychotic’ episodes, slap some drugs into the hands of the person who had the experience and send them on their way, sometimes straight to the psych ward, and write a medical diagnosis on the insurance form. This is our twenty-first century point of view.
Back in Biblical days the religious leaders were having these visions (e.g. Ezekial, Isaiah, Jeremiah) and nobody was packing these people off to psychiatric hospitals. These were their respected religious leaders. Nobody was doubting the validity of visions of God and angels. I read something not long ago, don’t remember what it was but some psychiatrist had determined that the prophet Jeremiah must have been suffering from manic-depressive disorder, I guess we call it Bi-polar disorder these days.
I do not think we’ve come a long way baby.
Posted at January 4, 2010 on 3:24pm.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
jss–
You could not be more right. I see it as a dictatorship of the left brain. All things intuitive, mystical, nonverbal, emotional, or outside linear logic are minimized and/or ridiculed. Spiritualism has become a dirty word in many circles. Our most profound experiences are labeled insanity. In politics we see it as the refusal of powerful elements to believe we should take care of one another. Heart and love are for sissies. Only in the direction of analytical thought have we ‘come a long way’. In the directions of things that bring genuine comfort, we’ve gone backward. A sure sign is what you mention: admitting to hearing calls from God can get you locked up.
I greatly appreciate our discussions, by the way.
–Will
Posted at January 5, 2010 on 7:04am.