This post is one in a string of essays about spirituality. If you want to read the whole project, take this link back to its first entry.

UnitaryCreation

The last entry promised to describe more of my visions. Let’s begin by going into further detail with the one mentioned in my ‘About‘ section, and already quoted. Briefly, the creation of the universe played out in my consciousness. This is hard to explain, but the unfolding event appeared as a sudden flash of awareness, and not like watching a movie. In the course of my weeks of enlightenment, each wave of epiphany had a theme. The theme of reliving the big bang was: ‘unity’. As instantaneously as my mind is capable of functioning, I ‘saw’ that our vast and ancient universe is really one seamless entity in space, matter, energy, and time. In the same way that reason breaks things down into parts to comprehend them, my spiritual experience showed me that you can understand just as much by seeing the cosmos as one living whole.

People debate how God’s experience (set aside, for the moment, doubts about God’s existence) compares to our human lives in the currents of time. Do the hours pass for It like they do for us? Is the future hidden, and the past beyond grasp? Or can this awareness ‘see’ all moments as one? When the curtains opened for me in my psychotic (or was it psychic?) epoch, I caught a glimpse of the hidden depths of creation. I realized that our yesterday, today, and tomorrow appear to this central consciousness (metaphorically) as if painted on an unrolled scroll; the BIOPE ‘sees’ the entire story, start to finish, all at once. Physical theories make clear that our experience of time’s flow is illusory. In our day-to-day lives, we see an hour as an hour. Yesterday is half as far back in time as the day before. Yet if modern theories reflect the actual personality of our universe, then one person might see two friends yawning at almost the same instant, while from another’s perspective they do so hours apart. How can that be if time is as rigid, measured and invariant as ‘common sense’ tells us?

Einstein consoled a widower by explaining that somewhere in the fabric of space-time, his wife still existed. We cannot move from this moment to those ‘behind’ us, but the ‘universal awareness’ can. That became clear to me in my moment of grace. Somehow I ‘felt’ the simultaneous presence of every speck of matter, both as things are now, and as they were all the way back through time to the very start. I felt intimacy and kinship with every fragment of the universe, at every moment in time. There existed connections between me (and hence all of us) and the tiniest subunits of substance, from right here and right now, to everywhere and ‘every-when’, no matter how distant in ordinary measures of space and time. In one brief moment I ‘saw’ or ‘felt’ the evolution of our vast cosmos from its birth out of a unitary point. Standing and experiencing the present, I also experienced that instant when an impossibly small point ruptured open, then blossomed like an unfolding rose, layer after layer shattering open. This is very hard to describe, but it all appeared to me as one single thing: speck and universe, then and now, all one. Most importantly, creation’s evolution was not just a mindless explosion, for a new awareness was born. A new consciousness opened its ‘eyes’, and said “Yes!”

Now let’s insert the proviso that instead of these visions being from God, my brain might have created this illusion all by itself. As mentioned previously, strange experiences can arise on their own. Feeling small, and suffering after crushing losses, maybe my mind leaned upon its old knowledge of evolution, relativity, and molecular fine structure, in order to generate a grandiose vision. Perhaps it conjured an illusion of shaking hands at once with the entire confusion of creation. Perhaps, in some despairing and plummeting fragment of my personality, my goal was to build a sense of importance. The belief that God was granting me secret knowledge could have just been a pathetic defense against the humiliation of losing all the props of my pride. This happened, after all, at a time in my life when everything that gave me confidence was dropping away from me. What a boon an epiphany would have been, and was. So it might have been false.

But it felt very real, and I feel compelled to work with it as if it were. Wouldn’t it be a shame to have God or BIOPE reach out, only to respond by retreating back to rationality? Of course, that is exactly what happened for many years. But recent days of writing have brought the seeming reality of those experiences back to mind. Their unspeakable power to move me has once again shifted my view. For now, and hopefully for ever, the interwoven and unitary nature of the universe, time, and God seems obvious to me. All is one.

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