WillSpirit!

Now that’s convincing! Not too many entries ago, my newfound spiritual basis seemed pretty solid. It felt different from the worn-out emotional trampoline that normally supports me: the one that’s sagging in the middle and kind of bouncy. This new foundation seemed secure, and unlikely to be just another illusion of mental health, soon to give way like all the other false structures that tempt my grasp. When the slump described yesterday occurred, my hopes for ongoing support weakened only slightly. Who wouldn’t feel defeated after getting partially blinded and treated like a peasant during a visit to one’s former kingdom? The acid-test is in resilience. Did spiritual calm return, along with an accepting attitude and sense of lightness? It did.

The episode gives fuel for discussion. First, spiritual centration does not free us from all distress. It helps us take the buffets of life in stride, with a relaxed confidence in our strength to survive. However, what sucks still sucks, and bad days still come. But they also go. Rather than remaining in a funk, yesterday saw me go about my business chagrined, but ready to work through the storm. Today sees me fully back in the sunshine. During cold winter rain, faith acts as a kind of trenchcoat or umbrella; not like a permanent relocation to Hawaii.

Second, faith works. Sound familiar? To the other ways belief helps, we can add: it makes accepting disappointments easier. Genuine faith includes the belief that the world is working more or less as it should. Not that cruelty and tragedy are ‘God’s will’, but that our presence and our experience are not giant cosmic mistakes. We are living as humans live, sharing the human lot. The faithful believe that humanity is more than a pointless accident in an utterly heartless cosmos. In my case, I believe people serve as witnesses, allowing creation to experience itself. Deepak Chopra said something to that effect on a video; without quoting him exactly he told an audience that they were the ‘eyes of the universe’. The goal of life, in that view, is simply to observe and learn. Christians believe that our trials give us opportunities to overcome sin, and thus move closer to Christ. Regardless of how we envision ‘God’, when we feel spiritually centered, we know that we can profit from whatever comes. Every tragedy offers a particle of wisdom, invites us to rise above base instincts, and adds to the treasure gained from life. Faith is not just a superficial belief system, either. The current runs much deeper, so that we feel these truths as warm and solid supports in times of trial.

Third, it’s vital to dispense with the disparaging comments about my spiritual experiences. This insight comes from jss who has been helping me stay in line during my discussion of faith. (As a neophyte, I need lots of assistance with getting it right.) Up until now, each description of one of my mystical moments has come with a proviso saying that it could have just been ‘a spasm’ or ‘craziness’ or ‘pathetic’. The pejorative language is unfair. Even if these events do not point to any larger consciousness in the cosmos, the fact that they lead to acceptance and peace means they should be labelled with healthier-sounding words. Writing about my peak experiences of ten years ago has improved my attitude, increased my resilience, and delivered contented peace to my heart. All this without any betterment in material circumstances. Given that they have provided so much, those experiences may have been my brain at its best, not at its sickest.

The spirituality project that began more than twenty posts back was supposed to help people in Alcoholics Anonymous get past the ego’s resistance to faith. No one in my regular AA group has expressed much interest in this effort. Fortunately, my online community has been far more receptive. But whether anyone else benefits or not, it has carried me to a place I’ve sought for decades. The act of writing has transformed my unusual experiences, which were too overwhelming to assimilate ten years ago, into solid cornerstones of faith. Due to both the memories and the gentle answers to my rational mind’s objections, the creative process has helped me release my death-grip on the piers of materialism. It has freed me to swim in the tropical waters of faith, which teem with hidden and beautiful forms of life.