This picture captures how I feel right now, spiritual progress notwithstanding. Sometimes, often in fact, I envy those who don’t get depressed. Perpetual sorrow has an an element of beauty, but it is also cold and lonely.
>> Share on Facebook>> Tweet
1
jss at http://jssfive.blogspot.com
I know what you mean Will. We romanticize the darkness of despair and I oftentimes think that is because we equate this darkness to spiritual and creative capacity and expression. The despairing and psychotic painter or musician, the alcoholic poet, these images have become cliché in our collective psyches. We see the Starry Nights and the symphonies and the raging against the dying of the light and we wish for ourselves a little of that which is capable of creating such great works of art.
What our collective psyches do not see is the hours of despair spent unable to get out of bed in the morning, the hours spent not necessarily in that proverbial, romantic ‘darkness’ but in more of a grayness, a bleakness, an energy-less void or still beyond that what seems an always present struggle to continue to exist in this place.
It is hardly a romantic place to be.
Posted at January 10, 2010 on 6:35am.
2
Margaret at http://YourWebsite
Just yesterday I was thinking: I have spent most of my life being sad, and not by choice. I just see and experience the world differently than non-depressed people. I am acutely aware of the tragedies, the injustices of life. That does make me appreciate the beauty, the joys of life. Like you, jss, I think about how much more productive my life could have been/could be if only I weren’t sucked into the Black Hole so much of the time.
Is depression something that happens to us and/or that we bring upon ourselves? Am I an active or passive participant? At times I hesitate to tell my therapist that I am struggling because I feel that I am a failure in this struggle against the Black Monster. I have learned the “coping strategies” yet sometimes I am still depressed. I guess that is the nature of The Beast—tricking us, preying upon us, sneaking up on us. I tell it that it may be near me but it cannot engulf me.
Yes, perpetual sorrow is a tough road to be on, yet we march on and appreciate the joys and beauty more because of our experiences.
Posted at January 10, 2010 on 8:06am.
3
Wes at http://journey2balance.wordpress.com/
Wow. Powerful… sorrowful.
Posted at January 10, 2010 on 6:20pm.
4
lostinamaze at http://inamaze.wordpress.com
That picture pretty much sums it up. We walk our own journeys and it is a lonely path. I have always felt lonely in my life. Sometimes more than other times. I often need to remind myself, even though for some unknown reason I have been given this path to walk, it has also given me strength that I doubt I would have had otherwise. Having said that I would not have chosen this for myself. Take care of yourself.
Posted at January 11, 2010 on 10:47am.
5
Will at http://willspirit.com
Thank you, everyone, for your comments on this post. Ordinarily, I like to say something to each person individually, but this post was more a sentiment than a philosophical statement. So I can’t add much too it beyond what you all have said. It seems my experience is shared, and while it saddens me to know that others suffer, it helps to know I’m not alone. Best wishes to all.
Posted at January 11, 2010 on 12:29pm.
6
Lili at http://YourWebsite
I have to contemplate why I think that’s the most peaceful, beautiful view I have seen in a while.
Hugs to you sweetie
Posted at January 11, 2010 on 2:43pm.
7
patientanonymous at http://patientanonymous.wordpress.com
I don’t know if this will fit your picture, or it will resonate with your state of mind, but one thing I wrote in a Post was a quote from Buddhist Lama Chogyam Trungpa:
“If hope is too hopeful, may I not be too hopeful. If fear is too fearful, may I not be too fearful.”
I’ve often struggled with my Buddhist readings and texts when going through rough times. Oh, yes. However, we all must keep trying.
Also, Trungpa was quite a character. One of many, who brought Buddhism to the West. Still, he was a drunk, and that was what ultimately did him in! *laughing*
Nonetheless, let us not judge any of his behaviours to discredit what he had to say. He certainly was quite colourful and blunt in his writing, however.
If you, or anyone else, is interested in Buddhist teachings for the Western World, I highly recommend Lama Surya Das, as well. A lot of the “Purists” refer to it as, “Buddhism Light” (pun intended?) but does it really matter? If people can gain something from it, what is the problem!
Also, as I always say, Buddhism is not a religion. It is a Non-theistic Philosophy. As such, the Western teachings are applicable to whatever faith or belief system that you already practise. In fact, I think it can be rather a nice complement or addition.
Take care dear,
PA
Posted at January 11, 2010 on 3:09pm.
8
Will at http://willspirit.com
patientanonymous–
Buddhism does resonate. Even if ‘lite’, which is the only kind I’m familiar with. People who level such elitist criticism are being rigid and not getting the point. Whatever the path to enlightenment, it is making the journey that counts. To admit my ignorance: although I like to think I’ve read some Buddhist material, I had not heard of either of the names you mention. Thank you for the suggestions, and also the support.
–Will
Posted at January 12, 2010 on 7:57pm.
9
Will at http://willspirit.com
Lili–
For some reason the word ‘glacial’ came to mind as a descriptor for how I felt. Then I looked on CreativeCommons with that search term, and found this photo that matched my mood exactly. Of course, my feelings changes hour-by-hour (if not minute-by-minute), so really the picture is just a single frame out of an ongoing movie. Lately, that film has been capturing a lot of ice. Sometimes I see it drifting as a small berg in an empty sea. Sometimes it’s a cube at the bottom of a drained glass. Sometimes I feel like dirty snow piled by a highway. I keep trying to warm the picture, but it keeps freezing. Hence the sparsity of posts these past days. I know the weather will improve eventually, but…
Thank you for the hugs.
–Will
Posted at January 12, 2010 on 8:05pm.
10
Lili at http://YourWebsite
Ah but from then to now it appear your glaciers are melting yes?
Posted at February 7, 2010 on 10:41am.
11
Will at http://willspirit.com
Lili–
Yes, at last. This journal plots my mood swings, and that has been one of the main values of blogging: it has increased my self-awareness
–Will
Posted at February 7, 2010 on 9:03pm.
12
Javier at http://YourWebsite
Oh¡ How i resonate with you all guys. With you jss, I have many times thought to have gived at least with the depression the genius to sublimate it, but I ordinary people just have the despair. With you Margaret, I have been a lot of my life sad and feeling isolated and not fiting in any place, thinking about my abilities constrained in that straight jacket,and suffering with life’s tragedies and injustices. And with you lostinamaze, accepting (sometimes) the path has gived to me to walk, but would not have chosen. And with you Will when you say it makes you sad to see others suffering, and you get help from the shared experience.
I remember one quote from don Juan:
Only as a warrior can one survive the path of knowledge, because the art of a warrior is to balance the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man.
Maybe we are a kind of warriors, maybe.
Posted at July 19, 2011 on 10:44pm.
13
Will at http://willspirit.com
Javier–
I like that definition of a warrior. The image is a nice one, because it gives meaning to these struggles.
–Will
Posted at July 24, 2011 on 2:48am.