WillSpirit

Along with time, meditation and acupuncture have restored my balance. Most of this afternoon I enjoyed the same clarity and awareness that permeated my being after my January spiritual retreat. There is less upwelling of my spirits this time; the mood is solemn rather than elated. This time around, it is like being in the presence of a great work of art: one remains quiet and reverent before such beauty. A month ago, it was as if I had exited a dimly lit room and stepped into the thrill and lightness of an afternoon in springtime.

I believe the repeated loss and regaining of Peace (with a capital ‘P’) have educated me. It is as if the waters of awareness become familiar as I watch them ebb and flow, and the fact that I have only limited ability to summon a flood tide becomes more obvious. With meditation, I can bring myself to the shore, but whether the sea rises to meet me depends on deeply unconscious or even celestial forces. All I can do is walk onto the warm sands, and wait for the ocean’s embrace.

Sometimes the surf comes with great force, and sometimes it develops slowly. Sometimes I get only a brief moment’s splash, and yet in January I remained immersed for nearly two weeks. In the past few days I’ve experimented with various methods of opening my heart to this mysterious water. Today it rolled in powerfully during my acupuncture session, but only because I settled my mind, moved my consciousness into my chest and heart, and tried to be as receptive and present as possible. I pictured myself adrift in the currents of time. I saw how events and circumstances have always moved by me in time’s flow; today, I tried not to grasp for what’s coming, or cling to what has already drifted by. With that practice, I found myself first lapped and then engulfed by the liquid of quiet clarity. Every time I ‘liked’ the experience, it receded, but when I simply accepted the comings and goings without evaluating or trying to influence them, my being sank deeper and deeper into wordless understanding. Ever since I left the acupuncture suite I’ve been exploring the quirks and eddies of this vast sea. I see how it is endlessly shifting, and yet unchanging. Present only in this moment, and yet eternal.