WillSpirit!

My previous essay promoted acceptance as a sure path to inner peace, and as a route to transcend the concept of mental illness. By fully embracing our lives, and ourselves, we are freed from the misery that comes from wishing things to be different.

For instance, depression is uncomfortable, but one can live perfectly well while feeling quite low. Only when we fight against the sadness, and judge ourselves because of it, do we find ourselves hating life. If we can accept the darkest depths of our mood swings, and move through them with grace, we can find satisfaction, fascination, and even inspiration in our experience.

Unfortunately, our culture does not endorse this view. Everywhere we look we see the message that a successful life is a happy one. Electronic screens of all sizes show us smiling, beautiful people loving life. How could one ever believe that a person who often gets flooded by tears and sadness is succeeding in modern society? Can we imagine those lovely models crippled by anxious worries? In real life, of course, the models probably suffer just like the rest of us, but on the screen all is happiness and light.

From the earliest ages we are led to discount the texture and wisdom that come with disappointment, injury, and bereavement. Sadness, we are told, is for losers. Yet some of the greatest artists and innovators have been burdened with depression and other so-called psychiatric symptoms. If these feelings are so awful and destructive, how come they occur so regularly in the greatest minds?

Acceptance does not mean acquiescence to injustice or destruction. It simply means living with full understanding, and without hating any part of our experience. If we can act to prevent future harm, we should do so. But whatever injury has already occurred is now part of the universe. Resisting it only creates tension and dissatisfaction; it does not change established reality. Whatever is here in this moment can be embraced, even if our intention is to prevent anyone else from suffering a similar fate. By accepting our current lives and minds, we can grow and learn and teach. Despite the pain, loss, and sorrow, we can enjoy this brief time we have to live as humans.

What would good mental health look like? Would we be happy all the time? Would we be happy sometimes, neutral much of the time, and depressed or anxious just a little? Or would we be exactly as depressed, anxious, or overexcited as we are now, but feel better about it?

It’s good to have a goal in mind. If we want mental peace, we should be ready to know it when we find it. Daniel Siegel defines mental health as integration, which he divides into nine domains. It is worth reading his work (here’s one example), because he offers a well-thought-out perspective on the objective of mental health work.

But a simpler definition might be: “accepting who we are.” If we accept ourselves on the deepest levels, then we no longer hate anything that goes on in our minds. We could be depressed, negative, and discouraged. We could be anxious and biting our nails. We could be flying high, sleeping little, and filled with jagged energy. If we accept our experience, we will not be miserable, no matter how challenging the pain.

This is not to say we should give up trying to be better people. We can always improve in our relationships, in our selflessness, and in our appreciation of life’s miracle.

But if we feel really ‘OK’ with who we are, we will be starting from a place of respect for our situation and ourselves. Working to modulate our actions and thoughts from this solid ground will lead us more quickly to better relationships and better attitudes. By accepting where we are now, we will likely begin to feel less depressed, anxious, and pressured. But we will not be improving our inner mental health, because with true acceptance we will already possess transcendent peace. We will see our angst for what it is: surface agitation. We will know ourselves for who we are: deeply centered beings observing life from the depths of consciousness. We will be at peace, and we will know we are not mentally ill in any meaningful sense of the term.