Today’s post really will be short, just the way I had hoped all my ‘tips’ for surviving on Earth would be. Partly, it’s because I’m not feeling well: the body feels achy and fatigued, the mind slightly dull and blue. Such states happen to humans, or at least to me. When I feel like this, it is important to maintain the long view. Perhaps more for those with mood conditions than those without, it is easy to get trapped by the moment’s mood. If I feel a bit down now, something inside me concludes that this is just the way the world is: it’s a depressing place, and always has been, and always will be.
But of course that’s not true. Yesterday at this exact same time of day (6:30 am) I felt delightful. My heart thrummed happily and I was brimming with memories of the previous day spent on a beautiful hike in Yosemite (Hetch Hetchy–photo above) with my wife. For some reason, now that things feel a little icky, my heart wants to generalize. It forgets the good feelings of 24 hours ago. It forgets all the good feelings of my life. My heart has a ‘depressed’ nest that it knows intimately, and it settles into the dark chamber as if that were its only home. This, I think, is what psychiatrists mean when they say depression can be a delusional disorder. My heart’s conclusion that the world is fundamentally not working for me is flawed and based on limited data. If I look at the evidence of my entire life I come up with a different perspective: life is often hard, but not always. If I wait, the good times and the good feelings will come again. It’s almost guaranteed.
So I need to use my cognitive mind to override my heart’s pessimism. I need to remind myself, repeatedly, that this is just a mood and that it will pass. It also helps to practice mindfulness in this situation, but I’m trying to limit my posts to one point each so I won’t go into that. Instead, I’ll emphasize that one can combat darkness with a trained mind. I won’t be able to talk myself into full happiness, but if I replay pleasant memories, keep the long view in mind, and work on patience, I’ll pass through this dip in the road in short order. The alternative would be to believe my heart’s pessimism, but I intend to resist that delusion.
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Lynn Henriksen at http://www.thestorywoman.com
Dear Will,
Your heart is so big, I can see why negativity worms its way in from time to time, but I’m glad you won’t let this dip last for long. Please go read a couple new comments people left for you on my blog (www.telltalesouls.com) after reading your “Mother Memoir,” which I posted this week. I know they’d appreciate your reply. Your powerfully descriptive writing impacts others deeply, as it did for you when you wrote about “perhaps the last time” you saw your mother. Next, I’m going to post the words you sent to me regarding the impact writing your short, true tale had on you, so that others may be inspired to do the same. It’s a pleasure to know you.
~Lynn
Posted at July 24, 2010 on 6:57pm.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
Thanks Lynn. I just added a response to the most recent comment. I truly appreciate the exposure that you gave me by posting the vignette about my mother on your blog. –Will
Posted at July 24, 2010 on 8:43pm.
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ClinicallyClueless at http://ClinicallyClueless.blogspot.com
Wise advice, but there is also a point where depression does become delusional of sorts which is when even though you are aware of the good moments and they don’t matter because the heart and mind are so overwhelmed by depression that they cannot see it. I haven’t read your other posts, but from Lynn’s comment…I am sorry for your loss. Remember that the grieving process also includes depression…let yourself grieve or you will become stuck.
Blessings,
CC
Posted at July 25, 2010 on 3:58am.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
CC–
Yes, when depression passes a certain point, this method becomes rather useless. It is most applicable to mild dips and early depressions, when with effort one can steer away from darker waters. Once one enters full-blown depression, often the only thing to do is ride it out while minimizing the damage. In those cases remembering happy times will not help elevate the mood, but it might help limit the cognitive damage wrought by only dwelling on misery. As for grief, the loss Lynn refers to happened when I was six and my mother died in a psychiatric hospital, most likely by suicide (though the family would never talk about it). I’ve been grieving, in one form or another, ever since. Lynn had me write a short memoir about my mom, which turned out to be pivotal. Ultimately I launched this blog and became more serious about my writing. Thanks for the comments.
–Will
Posted at July 25, 2010 on 7:01am.
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Emily at http://YourWebsite
Yes, the world is a depressing place. Reality bites. But in your writing I am reminded by a quotation by Ghandi I turn to frequently: “Live as if you will die tomorrow; learn as if you will live forever.” I just try to wring every ounce of opportunity and catch every fleeting glimpse of happiness I can out of the brief time I am alive.
Posted at July 29, 2010 on 1:02am.
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Will at http://willspirit.com
Thank you, Emily, for the fine quotation. So much can be improved with a simple change in attitude and perspective.
Posted at July 29, 2010 on 8:22am.