As I did recently on GuidePosts to Happiness, I’m going to use a comment as the basis for a blog post. In response to my essay Blogging to Fruition, Mary writes:

You said that to be contented with who, what, and where we are is to be fully alive and in tune with creation. Being content is often a result of compromising our needs and desires, isn’t it? I feel what you are saying but find it so difficult to be content when I am not sure that I should be. How does one know that where they are and what they are living is their true destiny? Doesn’t contentment often stifle growth or change, that may be needed in one’s life?

Mary’s paragraph (which I edited slightly), raises at least three excellent questions: 1) Does contentment require compromising our needs and desires? 2) How do we recognize our destiny? and 3) Does satisfaction stifle the impetus for growth? I’ll address these questions individually.

FIRST: To what extent does contentment require us to settle for less than we need or desire? The two words, need and desire, carry different meanings, of course. What’s more, we often think we need something, when really we just want it. Research has clearly established that once people possess the basics of food, clothing, and shelter, further acquisition no longer correlates much with levels of satisfaction. On the basis of this finding, I would advise against compromising a true need, like for adequate housing, but I submit that some of what we think vital to happiness we could probably do without and still feel reasonably contented.

Desires are even easier: persisting in craving what we don’t have is a recipe for suffering, as the Buddha told us long ago. So the short answer? Contentment sometimes requires that we scale back desires. The Lao Tse quote I used in the Blogging to Fruition post remains relevant: “He who knows he has enough is rich.”

SECOND: How do we recognize our true destiny? Keep in mind that in most cultures throughout history one’s station was determined by one’s parents. If the father was a blacksmith, the son became a blacksmith too. If the mother raised a family in poverty, chances were very high the daughter would also. Only in modern society do we find an obsession with bettering our position and choosing the ‘right’ life path. In most times and places, people have not had the luxury. So we should ask if the idea of seeking our “true destiny” is a cosmic mandate or a cultural artifice.

But let’s grant that modern society expects us to find our own unique way. Consider that in most cases, meeting the following criteria will lead to a satisfying career: finding work we can do competently, that gives us a sense of accomplishment, that contributes to the greater good, and that pays well enough to provide for our needs. Realistically, these standards do not set that high a bar, especially if we entertain the notion of getting by with less.

But does a satisfying career a destiny make? Here everyone must decide for themselves. On the one hand, it is clear that some people are born with a particular gift and/or passion and are fortunate to leverage this innate leaning into a career. These folks may feel like they’ve found their destiny. But most of us have a variety of talents and interests, perhaps none so striking as to stand out as a center of gravity for our entire lives. In these cases our careers are likely to be determined as much by fate as anything else. In what directions do our parents push us? What mentors do we meet? What chance opportunities open along the way? There is so much randomness that even if we find ourselves in a satisfying position in life, we may never feel like we have followed our destiny.

But is that doubt reasonable? Can we be sure that life had something else in store for us? Usually not. And in most cases, it is easier to change our attitude than to change our career. There is the story, possibly apocryphal, of the sewer cleaner in India who was thrilled with his life because he could do important work well. In contrast, I never felt like being a surgeon was ‘right’ for me, even though it met all the above criteria. Eventually my neck deteriorated until I couldn’t do the work anyway. But looking back, I see that it would have been easy for me to feel better about that occupation if I hadn’t been obsessed with the idea that I was ‘meant’ to do something else.

FINALLY: Does contentment stifle the impetus for growth? Here I’ll take a different tack. Despite everything I just said, it seems to me that continuing to push forward in life always makes sense. Contentment is about being fulfilled by the present, but we can always work toward building an even more meaningful future. In fact, if we feel satisfied by today, we might have more energy to pursue our visions for tomorrow. In any event, it seldom pays to make ourselves miserable. Why not try to be contented with what we have, while realistically assessing how we might improve our situation?

A good analogy for how we might approach being contented while working on goals is our wish for young people as they enter college. We hope they enjoy getting an education even as we want them to work toward a meaningful career. In contrast, a sure recipe for misery is to always be working for something better, while never enjoying what we are doing today. Chronic unhappiness saps our strength, whereas contentment gives us a solid foundation on which to build our dreams.

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