Criticizing people, systems, or the entire modern world has become too easy. My last post made some valid points, I’m sure, but it looks unbalanced to me as I reread it. Without doubt, since I entered the hospital occasional staff members have treated me with shocking insensitivity. On the other hand, there have been some pleasant interactions, especially during the past two days.
One older nurse took time to inquire about my dogs. It was the first set of truly personal questions I’ve answered, and it felt good to be talking about subjects that warm my heart rather than abdominal pain, nausea, and constipation. It felt delightful to be treated as a unique individual rather than just another patient.
Another nurse shared with me her feelings of conflict about whether to continue living far from her boyfriend or move closer to him. She grew up in this area and is loathe to leave it for a region she likes less; and yet, long distance relationships never fully satisfy. I appreciated her confiding in me, if only briefly. It increased my sense that we share the common human experience, with its constant ebbs and flows of pleasure and pain.
And I must admit that my behavior as an inpatient has not always been laudable. I’ve accepted cell phone calls while staffers took my vital signs, when I should have kept my attention on the living, breathing person next to me rather than tuning in to a plastic box. Even when the box is transmitting words from a loved one, and the person checking my blood pressure is a stranger, the latter deserves my attention more.
Plus, I’ve acted demanding and entitled at times. When they moved me out of my private room into one with three beds, I raised a fuss. Indeed, the shared room robbed me of sleep and raised my anxiety, but why should I feel myself above experiencing such duress when someone must? What makes me so special? They eventually isolated me after I spent twelve hours vomiting: obviously a distressing experience for my fellow patients. But I feel a little chagrined, looking back on my whining.
In my defense, I haven’t eaten a meal (or at least not one that stayed down) for six days. I’m in constant pain and sleep poorly. I’m worried about my future and discouraged that my budding acupuncture business has been dealt another body blow. But don’t we all have excellent reasons for acting like jerks? The trick is to be kind regardless.
The point isn’t to punish myself here. I’m only human, just like everyone else. We all need to work on improvement; it’s a never-ending call. I still believe that modern health care could be enhanced with more attention to personal warmth and less emphasis on technology, but I need to remember that many people who work in the field feel strongly about their mission and strive to provide compassionate care.
Criticism is easy, but so is praise. In the end, we do best with a little of the former and a lot of the latter. This is true whether we are on the sending or receiving end of things. The health care system needs reform, but it also deserves praise for managing so much suffering, day after day.
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