WillSpirit!

Where Will meets Spirit
∞ Love, Clarity, Balance, Peace, & Bliss ∞

A science, mental health and spirituality blog written by a physician.








  • Red_Exclamation_DotDisclaimer
    • Dear Visitors:
      Although I trained and practiced as a physician, my background does not include formal instruction in psychiatry beyond basic medical education. This journal presents ideas about treatment philosophy, but must not be considered therapeutic advice. Abrupt changes in one's psychiatric medications can trigger profound cognitive, emotional, and physical symptoms, including suicidal thoughts and actions. Consequently, pharmaceutical agents should not be increased or decreased without supervision by a mental health clinician.

    • ON THE OTHER HAND, your brain belongs to you, and your opinion counts. If you decide that changing your medication regimen will serve your best interest, then I believe your providers have an obligation to help you try to achieve your goals. I want everyone to be educated about their options, and do what will be most helpful for themselves. No one should feel pushed around by dogmatic and/or limited viewpoints, whether those of psychiatrists, anti-psychiatry advocates, or myself.


The Death of Mental Illness

The American Psychological Association is sponsoring a mental health blog party. Those of us writing in the genera have been invited to post an essay as a sign of solidarity and empowerment. I’m in favor of joining others with psychiatric histories to increase awareness and reduce stigma, but I also feel conflicted because I no longer believe ‘mental illness’ serves as a helpful concept.

Let me be clear: people sometimes behave in ways that look incomprehensible or even insane. Suicidal behavior, profoundly delusional speech, and irresistible compulsions are severe behavioral problems for individuals and society. No doubt they stem from cognitive activity and emotional tones that differ from average day-to-day awareness. These sorts of disordered conduct are clearly mental in origin, but do they qualify as diseases?

It seems to me that to define something as an illness implies that we can identify its absence. But this isn’t always easy. Take the example of suicide. Frank attempts on one’s own life lie at the extreme end of a spectrum of self-destructive thoughts and actions. Some of these get labelled as mental illness, and some don’t, but the distinction is rather arbitrary. I suspect a majority of the population would have to admit to moments of wondering if life is worth the effort, and to brief thoughts of ending it. They aren’t mentally ill just because they have moments of doubt, but where do we draw the line? How frequently or how seriously does a person have to question life’s value in order to be deemed sick? Or consider how a man with advanced emphysema who continues to smoke kills himself just as surely as a woman who takes an overdose of pills. But our culture doesn’t define the dying smoker’s senseless behavior as mental illness. What’s the difference? Does the fact that a man doesn’t admit to wanting to end his life relieve him of responsibility for doing so? I might even submit that the honestly suicidal woman is more rational and clear than the smoker steeped in denial who works toward the same end.

Or consider delusions. If a man believes the CIA has implanted thought control devices in his brain, everyone agrees he is out of touch with reality; we call this paranoid schizophrenia. But if a political leader proclaims that environmental exploitation isn’t a problem, even as the ecosystem destabilizes, no one considers her delusion a sign of mental illness. Director Tom Shadyac’s delightful documentary, I Am, makes a similar point about how many of the values our culture accepts as admirable are actually insane.

What about obsessions? Someone who won’t leave the house without checking the doors and windows two dozen times earns a diagnosis of OCD. But a billionaire obsessed with accumulating ever more money gets worshiped like a modern deity.

Furthermore, psychiatrists dismiss highly positive spiritual experiences as delusional and hallucinatory simply because such states hint at phenomena that aren’t endorsed by materialist science. When for a time I entered what seemed like profoundly awakened consciousness back in 2000, I wasn’t congratulated. The psychiatrists labelled my experience a ‘manic psychosis’ and started me on Haldol. I was too trusting to doubt them at the time, but now I wish they’d referred me to a spiritual leader rather than the psychiatric ward.

Obviously, people spiral into all kinds of behavioral crises and need help. Sometimes they recognize their need for assistance, and sometimes not. But whether a particular maladaptive conduct gets labelled as mental illness or not has to do with cultural values, not medical science. If there weren’t so much stigma, and so much risk of over-medication, it wouldn’t matter. But a life may be derailed for years (or forever) after the hammer of a major psychiatric diagnosis shatters a person’s reputation and self-image.

Tradition tells us that the seventh century Korean Buddist Wonhyo achieved enlightenment when following an exhausting journey without water he collapsed at night in a deep cavern. He found an ivory bowl while groping in the dark, and relished the sweet water it contained with a rush of relief. But when he arose the next morning he realized he had reclined in a tomb. The ‘bowl’ was the cap of a human skull, and he saw that he had not drunk clean water but a putrified soup of decay. At first nauseated and repulsed, he ‘awoke’ shortly afterward when he recognized how what he thought about reality (and not reality itself) so decisively determined his experience.

The conditions we label mental illness are a bit like that, only in reverse. In my case a lifetime of profound sadness, plus the ministrations of countless therapists and doctors, convinced me that I suffered from a severe psychological disease caused by my upbringing (which included early bereavement and severe child abuse) and genetic endowment (my depressed mother committed suicide). This view of myself had a major impact on my self esteem for much of my life, but I don’t believe it anymore. Now I understand that my sadness was a natural grieving reaction that may have been prolonged because no one validated my understandable sorrow after such a childhood.

No longer do I see my melancholy as the psychiatric equivalent of a putrefied skullcap. I now appreciate that life dealt me hardship early on, and I reacted normally. With time I overcame my grief, so that the traumatic past now stands as one of my most important teachers. Despite its ordeals, it led me to how I feel today: contented and more than a little knowledgeable about difficulty and its transcendence. The skullcap has transformed into the ivory bowl. Of course, neither perspective is actually ‘correct’ in any objective sense. But which picture I hold in mind has a huge impact on how I feel.

I’ve already sketched how psychiatrists diagnosed as mania an experience that in another time and place would have been viewed as a divinely granted spiritual awakening. What might have been seen as the ivory of grace became the corpse of mental illness.

How experiences are framed determines how we feel about ourselves and how others view us. Does the frame of mental illness serve the majority of patients? Or does it more often sap vitality and confidence? I read in many blogs of the relief people feel when doctors finally define their problems as diagnosable mental diseases. I remember feeling similarly myself when a lifetime of moodiness finally earned me the bipolar label. It felt so comforting to have my condition named and seemingly validated. But instead of decisively helpful treatments, the mental health system strung me along with decades of therapy and thousands of little pills, none of which improved my mood or outlook very much. It seems to me that if psychiatric diagnoses were truly valuable, they would guide clinicians to life-changing therapeutic choices. But how often do people diagnosed with ‘major mental illness’ leave the Psychiatry Department with an effective cure? Although they may feel transiently relieved, they and their family now must endure the burden of ‘knowing’ their minds are sick.

Only during the past few years, as I took up meditation and began exploring holistic methods of healing, did I begin to feel well. In fact, the change occurred rather quickly once I started meditating, tapered off the cocktail of psychiatric drugs, and quit hanging out at the mental health clinic. My once rock-solid conviction that my mind was ill gradually dissolved, and I began to wonder if I’m perhaps one of the healthier persons around, simply because I’ve worked so hard to achieve balance and peace. And if my ‘symptoms’ forced me into this growth, shouldn’t I be glad they afflicted me?

In many other cultures the kinds of malaise we now define as medico-psychiatric illnesses have been considered spiritual crises. In my own case, after fifty years of struggle with sadness and mood swings, I would have to say that such a view would have been far more helpful and more like an ivory bowl than what I heard during my decades within the mental health system’s well-meaning skullcap.

You may be dismissing all this as the ranting of a newly converted fundamentalist, but that’s not who I am. Although I believe spiritual transformation finally solved the problems that clinical psychology could not, I don’t hold any particular religious belief or adhere to any specific tradition. I don’t presume to know the nature of God or even to be sure of its existence. My own recovery convinces me that it is possible to find a ‘spiritual’ cure without abandoning reason or science. Not to mention that modern physical theory describes reality in terms that sound essentially mystical.

In any event, a spiritual approach to mental wellness has little to do with ideas about God or the nature of reality. It has everything to do with how we see ourselves. If we think we are fragile and isolated personalities adrift among unfriendly and predatory human apes, we are likely to feel and act badly. On the other hand, if we see ourselves as sacred beings enmeshed in a grand tapestry of life and mutual interdependence, we feel uplifted and at peace. Which view is ‘correct?’ I don’t believe anyone can say. But I am utterly convinced that embracing the latter view is healthier than clinging to the former.

I’m not advocating the end of psychotherapy or the closure of mental health clinics. In fact, I like the phrase ‘mental health.’ What I’m suggesting, however, is that we replace the DSM‘s ‘mental disorders’ paradigm with something different. The Positive Psychology movement is a great idea. A catalog of spiritual practices might also help. But while the biomedical doctrine of ‘mental illness’ caters nicely to pharmaceutical interests, it serves patients poorly. Let’s give the skullcap a nice burial, and start over with some more elegant and uplifting concepts.

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We Are All Mentally Ill

The movie, “I Am” was recommended to me several times before I decided to see it. For some reason I expected a typical New Age feel-good film, overly general and sparse on novel information or outlooks. But as you might guess since I’m writing about it, the film surprised me. One of its best features is film maker Tom Shadyac’s statement that his is a story about mental illness. Indeed, we see how he suffered a post-concussion depression that changed his life. But the psychiatric disorder Shadyac refers to is of a different sort. He points out that indigenous cultures look at people who hoard rather than share resources as mentally ill.

This makes sense. The biggest problem in the world today isn’t pollution, or warfare, or injustice, it’s greed. The insane hunger of the elite, who exploit and hoard on a vast scale, is the root of most other global difficulties.

This observation led me to rethink my notion of mental illness. Not just to accommodate the picture of greed as a disorder, but also to see the many other ways people stray from the path of sanity. Most of these deviations never find their way into psychiatry’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). Does the man who assumes he’s smarter than everyone else get diagnosed? Or the one who’s too closed off to hug? Does the woman who relentlessly drives her daughter to succeed out of a sense of unfulfilled potential get labeled as mentally unbalanced? Not usually. At times, we may all act in ways that cause others to feel put-down, unloved, or pressured. Is such behavior properly sane?

Maybe in the narrowest sense, but not in the largest. In the most expansive view, true sanity would imply equanimity, universal love, and generosity. It would require behavior that was consistently sustainable on a global scale and supportive on a local one. It would also be unattainable. It would be a goal to strive toward, with the recognition that we would often fall short.

To have a mind is to have a mental illness. There is no one who doesn’t suffer from delusions, insecurities, and unhealthy desires. Just because most of us can vice-grip the steering wheel and stay on society’s narrow road doesn’t mean we have sound minds. It just means we can fit in, for now.

A good indication that our definitions of mental illness need revision is the fact that many sages throughout history have been judged deranged. When those the culture ultimately recognizes as enlightened are initially seen as crazy, we know that our system for identifying soundness of mind needs improvement.

The good thing about my lifelong struggle with the more conventional mental illness of depression is that I now have few qualms about admitting my psychic frailties. But look how many people, clearly on the edge of one insanity or another, continue to insist on their rationality and rightness. Look how many justify their harmful actions in the face of bad effects.

I’m calling for humility. Let’s admit that it’s not easy to be human and sane. Let’s admit how hard it is to do the right thing all the time. Let’s admit the difficulty, and resolve to do better. We can accept our insanity, then work toward enlightenment.

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“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet…”

rose_mosaic

One of the sites I’m fond of is Hopeworks Community. A number of things can appeal to me about a site. Some are heartfelt. Some are lyrical. Some provide pragmatic advice. Some take political stances. In fact, most do all these things. Hopeworks provides reasoned analysis of issues relevant to people affected by mental illness (but see Hopeworks and what I write below for some discussion of the ‘illness’ concept). Any time I get engaged in a topic, my fingers go nuts and before long my text has morphed from an intended sentence or two into a mini-essay. That happened yesterday on Hopeworks, when I wrote a comment discussing two posts: ‘What diagnosis depends on‘, and ‘On the words we use‘. The subjects were diagnosis and semantics in mental illness. Important subjects. Since I was happy with my little response, and since I won’t have much time to write today, I am posting my discussion below.

I promised to write about the relationship between ‘who we are’ and ‘what goes on in our brain’. That topic is so vast that covering it in a blog post is presumptuous to the point of grandiosity. But I do have some ideas that can be squeezed into one of my longish essays. The interrelationship between mind and body (especially, of course, brain) fascinates me, as it has philosophers for ages. I want to do it justice. I have touched on it before, and no doubt I will come back to the subject over and over until the day I die (hopefully a long time from now, for those who monitor me for suicide risk). So the much-anticipated essay will be produced soon. But not today.

Instead, here is my 2¢ about diagnostics and the labels that result.

[Comment to Hopeworks with regard to psychiatric diagnosis:] Having had medical training, and even one-time aspirations to become a psychiatrist, I started out with faith in the DSM. The more time I spend as a patient, and reading blogs, and thinking about how I’m going to get to a better place, I see the fallacy in labeling people as mentally ill. My latest thinking is that our brains are as different as our mugs. Maybe I even brought this up on your blog before. You can categorize faces: male, female, European, African, Asian, old, young, attractive, ugly. And you can separate facial expressions: happy, sad, angry, etc. But just saying someone (like me) is a male, of European descent, middle-aged and with a look of concentration at this moment does not mean that is all I am or will ever be. It is not enough information for you to recognize me on the street, or to know what would work to make me more comfortable with being alive.

Psychiatric diagnoses have that level of precision. Some people have fluctuating moods. Some are chronically sad. Some worry all the time about everything. Some hear voices and have ‘odd’ ideas. Each of these persons can be diagnosed with a DSM label, and so by that definition they are mentally ill.

It’s a bit like saying only a particular race or gender is capable of running things. Only a certain emotional make-up is healthy; deviate far from that norm and you have a disease. Maybe you should be locked up and sterilized. You certainly can’t be in a position of leadership or responsibility (is anyone else old enough to remember Thomas Eagleton?).

Like you say, what matters is what works. And what works is what makes life a more satisfying experience. Dulling emotional responses, or squelching internal voices may help accomplish that for some people. But not for all. Some would be happier to be left with their minds in their native condition. Some can get a lot more happiness out of life by accepting their quirky brains than they ever can by acquiescing to long-term psychiatric drugs.

As someone who once bought the mental disease model intellectually and emotionally, I am astounded to find myself about to write that I am not sure that mental illness is a valid construct. I took all my meds diligently for years (I was a very ‘compliant’ patient). But I still felt rotten. Now I feel better even though I am on a milder chemical cocktail (hopefully soon to be none at all). So was I really sick? Or just confused?

I spend time on the local psychiatric unit, counseling patients about their legal rights when they face involuntary confinement. Some of these people are quite out-of-control, and would have trouble being safe on the streets. I can’t say what the answer is in those cases. Maybe when things go that far there really is a sickness going on. But that does not mean that the person has a mind that can never be trusted again. That they now should carry a lifetime diagnosis of, say, bipolar I. That they will require drugs forever, and can never learn to live safely and well without medication. Maybe it is the all-too-frequent permanence of mental illness diagnoses that is their biggest problem.

We are all different. ‘Some of us are more different than others.’ The problem with the ‘illness’ label, is that it automatically means there is something defective. Maybe all that is wrong is that our eyes are open. That we see and feel more pain, or are more in touch with imaginative influences in our minds. Or we are more conscientious and want everything to be just right. Or impulsive. Or scared. These are not illnesses, they are responses to life. Maybe they are exaggerated and do not serve us well. Maybe medications can help us live fuller lives. But I object to being told my brain is abnormal, and that the person who never soars into ecstasy or crashes into sadness is healthier and (by implication) better.

It cannot be overstated: what matters is what works. If having a diagnosis in hand makes one feel vindicated, so now they can show people they aren’t just lazy or selfishly pessimistic, then it is a good thing. If it helps select a medication to get someone balanced enough that they can go home and work on better solutions, then maybe a diagnosis is useful. The same if being given a name of their ‘lllness’ leads a person to the most helpful shelf in the bookstore. But if it means I can never get long-term care insurance (I can’t), or be trusted to practice medicine (a psychiatry program I applied to reported me to the medical board), or that I will always need to take medications that wreck my body and undermine my self-image, then they are most definitely not OK. thornsThat kind of thing happens so often, that it is easy to understand why people with mental/ emotional/ behavioral/ brain/ psychiatric – illnesses/ conditions/ disorders/ diseases/ abnormalities/ challenges/ dysfunction/ gifts object to the psychiatric model. When diagnostics work they help a little. But when they are overused, misinterpreted, or otherwise go awry, they do an incredible amount of harm.


(I slightly modified this post on 2009 August 17, c. 08:30 PDT.)

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