WillSpirit!

Where Will meets Spirit
∞ Love, Clarity, Balance, Peace, & Bliss ∞

A science, mental health and spirituality blog written by a physician.








  • Red_Exclamation_DotDisclaimer
    • Dear Visitors:
      Although I trained and practiced as a physician, my background does not include formal instruction in psychiatry beyond basic medical education. This journal presents ideas about treatment philosophy, but must not be considered therapeutic advice. Abrupt changes in one's psychiatric medications can trigger profound cognitive, emotional, and physical symptoms, including suicidal thoughts and actions. Consequently, pharmaceutical agents should not be increased or decreased without supervision by a mental health clinician.

    • ON THE OTHER HAND, your brain belongs to you, and your opinion counts. If you decide that changing your medication regimen will serve your best interest, then I believe your providers have an obligation to help you try to achieve your goals. I want everyone to be educated about their options, and do what will be most helpful for themselves. No one should feel pushed around by dogmatic and/or limited viewpoints, whether those of psychiatrists, anti-psychiatry advocates, or myself.


The Wrestling of Two Minds


In case anyone’s wondering about my near-daily posting, rest assured it will be over soon. I’m aiming to exceed my previous record for number of essays in one month, but after November 30th (my birthday), the pace will slow. I may even take December off to give everyone a chance to catch up.

Not long ago a reader emailed me a narrative of her struggles with mood issues and painful events. What impressed me most was her eloquent capture of something I believe characteristic of maturation: inconsistent embodiment of wisdom.

As we gain insight and self-awareness, our behavior doesn’t always keep pace. We may know better than to criticize our spouse, but speak harshly anyway. We may understand how obsessing about a friend’s failure to acknowledge a gift undermines our serenity, and why true generosity makes no demands, but feel resentful even so.

These lapses alternate with times when we find it easy to forgive others and graciously give of our time and resources.

Readers can track the unevenness of growth by comparing my posts with one another. Scrolling through my archives, I see essays that celebrate realization mixed in with tracts that whine about fate. Some days I can view my life from the distant vantage of wise detachment, and other days I get lost in a muddle of mediocrity. It’s as if there are two brains in my head: one aimed at self-realization and the other at self-gratification.

This dynamic interplay between the higher and lower minds seems built into the metamorphic process. Granted, some people enjoy a single mystical experience and are forever changed, like Saint Paul on his way to Damascus. But the majority, I believe, achieve grace in fits and starts.

Zen Buddhism is comprised of two schools that differ on this point. One faction believes satori happens suddenly, jolting the practitioner into permanent enlightenment. The other expects realization to build more gradually, through long practice. Observing myself and others as we stumble toward maturity (no doubt a lesser attainment than satori) convinces me that most people climb in stepwise fashion, and at first with many backslides.

Ken Wilber distinguishes between state and stage. A person can have a profound state experience, a mystical awakening, that leaves him or her feeling radiant and enlightened for days. But sooner or later the system settles back to its habitual stage of development. Brief spontaneous elevation may accelerate personal growth by showing what’s possible, but seldom effects immediate, sustained improvement.

In my own case, I was locked in a self-centered and materialist frame of mind at age 41, when a series of breakthrough experiences transported me to an enlightened state of being. For a time I felt and acted like a happier and more generous person. But eventually I sank back into pessimistic selfishness. Only after years of contemplation and meditative practice did I grow more consistently alive to my better nature, and I still suffer many days of impoverished attitude.

I’m currently reading A Universe of Consciousness, by Gerald M. Edelman and Giulo Tononi. Edelman is a Nobel Laureate brain scientist, and the book summarizes contemporary theories about the neural mechanisms underlying mental life. He explains that the millions of circuits in the brain intertwine and feed into one another in complex and rapid cycles. Each pathway competes with its neighbors, and the ones that so-called “value” systems highlight get strengthened, while others fade away.

If we never question our thoughts and behaviors, they get rated by instinctive value systems that crave immediate gratification. We gravitate toward food, comfort, sex, and aggression. But if we intervene as thought unfolds, we can encourage healthy attitudes and discourage negative ones. We can deliberately build up maturity and wear down selfishness. This is the essence of neuroplasticity.

But make no mistake, this is life and death competition. The egocentric circuitry fights tooth and nail for its survival. It has no interest in fading quietly and would sooner destroy happiness than face dethronement. So when we are tired, distracted, or agitated, the old pathways seize the day and we act badly.

This is no cause for alarm. Many addiction experts believe that relapse is part of recovery. Occasional napping is part of awakening. At first, our eyes may only open briefly and under the most favorable circumstances. But as we work and grow, they stay open longer and in the face of greater adversity. Finally, the day comes when depression howls as loudly as mine did yesterday, but we stay alert and open to the experience. We don’t close our eyes or turn away. We don’t hurt ourselves or anyone else. We just settle into our deep core of serenity and enjoy the storm.

This pattern should be familiar to anyone who has mastered a skill of any sort. At first one executes clumsily, but as time goes on performance becomes better. And at first quality is uneven, but with practice consistency improves. When I learned oculoplastic surgery, my early cases were slower and less skillful than those that came later. And in between the beginning and expert phases passed an interval when some of my operations looked brilliant and others amateurish. Eventually, however, I acquired the ability to reliably perform procedures of high quality.

This is how we learn, whether to be surgeons, musicians, athletes, or yogis.

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Stepping Toward Serenity



My idea is to write a series of short(er) posts that will help me stay in a centered frame of mind. My last entry described how I vacillate between oceanic acceptance and claustrophobic self-pity. The human mind can shape itself, and I intend to sculpt mine to stand with contentment and stability in the gale of fate. I’ve grown tired of crumbling, and knowing there is an alternative, I have committed to solidity and balance.


Success requires more than a vow. Action is mandatory. There are countless steps I take to improve my frame of mind. I work to buttress my weak areas, exercise my strengths, and explore new modes of thought and being. My plan is to write a short piece more or less daily, with an eye toward concrete behavioral, cognitive, or spiritual actions I employ (or should employ) to increase the proportion of time lived in the space of equanimity.



THINK LESS!

In earlier times, I prided myself on my intelligence. Half way through a rebellious high school career I took to heart what people had been telling me since toddlerhood: I had a good mind. With little else to prop up my self esteem, I began applying myself in studies and quickly raised my grades. In college I found an environment where sharp thinking was rewarded. I excelled in analytical sciences even more than in biology, though the latter was my passion. My father had innate mathematical talent, and I may have inherited the trait. Or perhaps living in a dangerous and chaotic family trained me to scrutinize and scheme. No matter where it came from, I had an ability to problem solve that was noted repeatedly and carried me to a reasonable level of academic success. Thinking gave me a rewarding career, financial security, and feelings of power.

As I sketched in yesterday’s essay, however, all that evaporated ten years ago. Ever after, compulsive thinking has been a liability rather than an asset. I can spend long, boring hours ruminating about my losses and my fears. If I don’t stop myself, I analyze my life from every conceivable angle, always looking for an escape route. Something inside desperately wants to fix my predicament. But thinking is not the answer. It only keeps my frustrations on center stage, and accelerates the engine of anxiety. It has taken a long time for me to truly believe this, and it requires ongoing effort to change my pattern.

I strive to think less. Even with that goal foremost in my awareness, my mind manages to churn out plenty of thoughts, more than enough to solve my various problems and prepare for the future. But whenever I notice my mind thinking aimlessly, or worrying, or criticizing, I stop. There are many tricks I use. Since my goal is to make these entries short, I’ll name just one.

Let’s say I’m walking and worrying at the same time. This happens often. If I catch myself, I start doing a body scan. The body scan is a simple mindfulness exercise taught in meditation classes, especially those given in clinical settings. One moves one’s conscious attention from one extreme of the body to the other. One can start with head or feet, but I usually start low and work up. I pay attention to one foot at a time, focusing in turn on each toe, or even each part of each toe, and then moving to the sole of my foot, the top, the sides, the inner sensations of the joints, and so on. I explore the feelings in each location for one or two breaths, and move on. I finish with one foot and then move to the other. I complete the feet and journey to the ankles, calves, knees and on up my body. If the walk ends before the scan reaches the head, I make a mental note to pick up where I left off on the next walk.

It’s a busier walking meditation than Buddhists teach, but it’s what my mind needs to distract itself. It’s a challenge to feel the fourth toe, for instance. My brain just never focused on it before, and I have to strengthen the sensory pathway. It’s interesting to pay attention to the movements in all the many foot bones, and feel the pressure of the ground transmit through my feet to my legs. I feel far more in touch with my body from doing this practice. Better yet, I think less.

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Sculpting Happiness

cortex2

Today I am filling in at the local Suicide Hot Line. Since this time of day tends to be slow, I’ll probably have time to complete a post. As I planned this essay, knowing where I’d be writing it, the topic of suicide naturally suggested itself to me. But after giving it more thought, I decided to write about something a little less depressing.

In the book Buddha’s Brain, Rick Hanson explains that dwelling on negative memories and feelings strengthens them. If we habitually focus on unhappy topics, and especially if we simultaneously harbor unpleasant emotions, then we increase the neural circuits that promote misery. The converse is also true: dwelling on happy topics and pleasant feelings leads to brain changes that foster contentment.

My goal these days is to improve my mental balance, and spend less time obsessed with depressing topics. Since my childhood was loaded with trauma and my adulthood has brought huge disappointments, negativity is already well entrenched in my brain. It will take the rest of my life to build in enough positive memory and feeling to counterbalance that burden of loss. Reliving my suicidal feelings and remembering the suicides of loved ones seem like counterproductive exercises. They can wait for some future day; no doubt depression will eventually descend despite my best efforts, and such subjects will be on my mind already.

Two readers have requested posts about neuroplasticity; since I’ve already introduced the idea by mentioning Hanson’s book, I might as well develop it further. Neuroplasticity has become a hot topic in neuroscience, but it is actually something we make use of every day. If we wanted to be less technical, we could replace the fancy jargon with the word learning without losing much meaning. Both terms refer to long-term changes in the brain.

One of the first and most striking demonstrations of neuroplasticity came from the research of V.S. Ramachandran. He showed that after an amputation, the brain regions that used to handle the sensory input from the lost limb do not simply go silent. Instead, adjacent functions spread into the unused area. So if an arm is amputated, the sensory system of the face expands into the area that once served the severed limb. As a result, people have odd phantom limb experiences, such as touch to the cheek causing ‘feeling’ in a hand that no longer exists. More elegant examples include the expansion of brain representation of fingers in musicians, or the larger memory modules of London taxi drivers, who have to memorize maps of the entire city.

The outer and most evolutionary recent part of the brain is the neocortex. In effect, it is a flat sheet of nerve tissue that has been folded and balled up to fit inside the skull. Although different parts of the cortex have somewhat different structural details, in every region the sheet is layered. In the visual cortex there are six layers, with some receiving input, some primarily performing internal processing, and some creating output to other regions. The number of layers and the specific appearance varies from place to place on the neocortical sheet, but one is struck by the overall uniformity. Regions that handle functions as diverse as vision, language, touch, movement, and judgment all look more or less the same, and areas with similar functions can appear identical. Thus, the sensory area serving the arm is indistinguishable in appearance from that serving the face.

This makes it easy for cortical regions to take up new functions. In people who are blinded, and especially those blinded from birth, hearing functions encroach on the visual cortex. This expands the processing space for auditory signals, and probably partly explains why people who are blind often hear better than those with sight. Enlarging the cortical space for fingers in musicians presumably increases manual dexterity.

These are large-scale changes that demonstrate the brain’s impressive ability to reorganize itself in response to need. Restructuring on that scale takes time, but smaller shifts in brain structure and function happen every instant. Every thought is accompanied by a ripple of neuronal activity that forms an organized ensemble and then dissipates. Every time a memory is created, new connections are established between nerve cells. The brain is changing all the time as we learn new skills, see new things, and think new thoughts. As we live we learn, and as we learn we change our brains. This is the essence of neuroplasticity.

We should feel both sobered and empowered by the fact that everything we think and do sculpts our neurons. Sobered, because every single thought leaves traces that accumulate; a lifetime of negative thinking strengthens the neural foundations of stress, fear, and sadness. If we clumsily allow our minds to obsess on whatever attracts attention, no matter how discouraging or counterproductive, we will develop brains prone to unhappiness. Empowerment comes from recognizing the opposite principle: fostering positive thoughts, memories, and feelings will gradually increase our ability to remain contented.

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Prozac & other Bad Habits: how they affect neurotransmitters and brain circuit paths, and why they are hard to quit.

neurons

Today, my decision about topics comes down to two choices, both born of recent posts or replies to comments: 1) Bad Thought and Behavior Habits and how hard it is to change them; or 2) Discontinuing Psychiatric Drugs and how it is made difficult by receptor downregulation. The first has to do with why I often ignore the things that have been taught to me about how to be healthy. The second is about why I get so depressed when I try to stop (e.g.) Cymbalta. Then I realized that the two are related. They both have to do with fixed patterns of response in the brain. So this essay deals with both those issues. It is long (despite my resolution to keep posts under 500 words), and involves some physiology. But I think the connection between habits, drugs, and changes in the brain lies at the heart of many difficult emotional problems.

Of course, science understands drugs better than habits. When a negative behavior becomes habitual, so that we repeatedly cave in to it rather than do the harder thing that will make us feel better in the long run, millions (or billions) of cells across the brain may get involved. Many complicated neural centers of thought and action determine such bad habits. On the other hand, when our brains become habituated to the effects of psychiatric medications, the problem largely can be explained by changes in the levels of one or a few proteins. Since I know little about the psychology behind habits and resistance to change, most of this post will focus on receptors. I will try to draw (hopefully not make up) parallels between the brain’s adjustment to pharmaceuticals and its development of habits.

Many people on psychiatric medications have found that a drug may improve ‘symptoms’ after a few weeks, but then gradually works less and less well. This happens, in part, because the body reduces the number of receptor-proteins that respond to that drug, or to one of the natural chemicals the drug increases.

I started my medication odyssey with Prozac (fluoxetine). This drug blocks the removal (reuptake) of serotonin from the synapses in parts of the brain that use serotonin as a signalling molecule. The synapse is the small area that separates the pre-synaptic cell that sends a signal, in this case one carried by serotonin, from the post-synaptic cell that receives it. Removing the released serotonin from the space between the cells–the synapse–attenuates the message, so that it is time-limited, and doesn’t just go on ‘forever’. Since compared to earlier antidepressants Prozac is relatively selective in blocking reuptake of serotonin–but not other transmitters, it is an example of the SSRI class: Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors.

Under normal circumstances, the pre-synaptic cell releases serotonin, but then sucks it back out of the synapse using ‘reuptake’ proteins. Without the reuptake mechanism, serotonin would persist in the cleft for much longer times, and at higher concentrations, than normal. In fact, Prozac accomplishes exactly that: it blocks the reuptake protein and so causes an increase in synaptic serotonin.

serotonin necklace

As an aside, only about one-thousandth of one percent of brain nerve cells use serotonin to send signals. Despite their small numbers, serotonin neurons affect many different parts of the brain. That explains, in part, why they have unwanted side effects: areas of the nervous system we’d rather not mess with (like parts mediating sexual response) are modulated by serotonin, just like the parts that alter moods. Another important point is that to date there is no evidence that depression results from an actual deficiency in serotonin levels, even though increasing serotonin activity does elevate moods.

So why does Prozac often quit working over time? In part, it may be because the cells respond to abnormal increases in serotonin by reducing the number of post-synaptic receptors for that transmitter. It’s kind of like what happens with noise. If you want to hear something really faint, like a soft whisper, you cup your hand behind your ear to increase your ability to make out the words. As the person speaks louder, you remove your hand because it’s not so hard to detect their voice anymore. If they start yelling, you might even plug your ears to tone down the volume. The post-synaptic neuron that detects the serotonin signal no longer has to listen so hard. So it reduces the number of proteins in its cell membrane that ‘hear’ the serotonin molecule. And the drug that increases serotonin, and that once had terrific effectiveness, now has less.

Naturally, there are complicating factors. For instance, Prozac may have an immediate stimulating effect, but much of its antidepressant activity is delayed by several weeks. This is thought to be due to changes in receptor numbers on the pre-synaptic cell. I won’t go into this wrinkle, because it does not change the basic fact that eventually serotonin levels increase, and that soon after the system adjusts to the elevated transmitter levels. Regardless of the details, the end result is that the brain settles back toward its natural state. It adapts to the increase in transmitter by reducing its sensitivity.

What happens when you stop the Prozac? At this point, your neurons are accustomed to increased serotonin levels. What was once abnormally high is now, according to your brain, the right amount. When you take the (reuptake inhibiting) drug away, reuptake goes back up, which (probably along with other changes) reduces synaptic serotonin. Since the brain has adapted to high serotonin, this reduction (back to levels that once were normal) feels like a deficiency. The serotonin system is under-stimulated, and you feel depressed. And because serotonin neurons are so widespread, other withdrawal symptoms are not uncommon. You might even be more depressed than when you first started Prozac. If you can weather the depression without killing yourself, there is a pretty good chance that your neurons will return to their original condition. Or maybe not. There is also a risk that not all of the changes are reversible. One line of evidence that suggests receptor downregulation may sometimes be irreversible comes from the fact that some people have long-term sexual dysfunction that continues after SSRI agents have been discontinued.

Either way, the habituation of your brain to the presence of Prozac (and other SSRIs) makes it a difficult drug to stop. The same thing happens with heroin users: the number of opiate receptors drops, and the addict feels horrible if her or she can’t get enough heroin. (In the brain, ‘opiate’ receptors normally detect peptides called endorphins; heroin and related drugs stimulate those receptors and thereby promote analgesia and euphoria.) Hence they have trouble springing back from ‘receptor downregulation’ just like Prozac users. A common name for this is ‘addiction’. For obvious reasons, drug companies and psychiatrists resist applying this term to the withdrawal symptoms people have when psychiatric drugs like SSRIs are stopped.

Now, back to habits. Could it be that similar adaptations to signal strength, protein levels, and other features in various parts of the brain account for why habits are so hard to break? When we try to alter our behavior away from the established pattern, do we experience a seeming deficit in some chemical important to feelings of well-being? This mechanism must be operative in bad habits involving substance abuse, like cigarette addiction. But would it be extending the analogy too far to suggest it explains my habit of retreating into depression after minor setbacks? Or how I avoid doing the things that I know will gradually lead to less depression (e.g., distraction, exercise, positive self-talk), and instead curl up in a darkened room because it somehow feels better at that moment?


To answer that, one confronts the question of whether all of our decisions result from neuronal activity. Surprisingly (to me) not all scientists agree with that notion, or at least not entirely. Jeffrey Schwartz, MD, published a book in 2002 with reporter Sharon Begley called, The Mind and Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force. In it, he uses obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as a model for how the mind and brain interact. On the one hand, he reports that PET imaging data imply that OCD results from faulty action patterns in the frontal lobe. he goes on to show how entraining OCD patients (via CBT techniques) with new behaviors changes those circuits, and that the better the patients become, the ‘better’ the circuits look. This supports the idea that bad habits can result from changes in neuronal circuitry (note that OCD behaviors are particularly bad and pernicious; I want to reassure OCD sufferers that I am not saying their condition is something you can just ‘quit’ like cigarette smoking–hard as that is).

OCDPETOCDPET improved

(Note: these images taken from the site linked by clicking on them. They were not obtained via CC license. Since they are promotional pictures on an OCD clinic’s website, and this is a mental health blog, I assume the developers would not mind. I do not have any affiliation with that organization, by the way.)

Schwartz also conveys the optimistic message that with training and intention we can change cellular connections. In other words, we can physically alter our brains to improve our lives (which brings up the giant topic of neuroplasticity, a subject for another blog). So Schwartz agrees that structural and functional elements in the brain determine habits, and that changing those elements is the key to improvement.

On the other hand, however, he argues that the intention to change behavior (and hence the brain), originates from something outside the physical structure of the nervous system: a so-called ‘mental force’. He is doing nothing less than postulating a new physical entity to add to the nuclear strong, nuclear weak, electromagnetic and gravitational forces already known by physicists. His argument is well-constructed, though it fails to convince me. (That does not mean I don’t believe in forces outside of matter, only that his reasoning and supporting data are insufficient to establish non-material forces acting in this instance.)

Whether intention originates in neuronal tissue or outside of it, it is nevertheless clear that behavior is grounded in the brain, that we can and often do change our behavior, and that doing so probably involves changing the structure and/or function of neural circuits. My whole reason for this long discussion is to make the point that while drugs quickly and efficiently change synapses and brain circuits, we can do the same thing (more slowly) with willpower, training, and practice. Breaking the habits that promote depression is then not all that different from recovering from long-term use of psychiatric drugs, although it is probably easier. In both instances we need to readjust synaptic activity.

Cognitive research has shown that to some extent persistent depression is about bad habits of thought and action. If we can break those habits, we can reduce depression. It may even be that improving thought and behavior increases brain serotonin activity, just like Prozac. However, unlike using a synthetic drug, in this case the neurotransmitter gets increased in just the right locations, not the whole brain. There is no problem with, for instance, anorgasmia or weight gain. We can accomplish the same thing as drugs, but without the side effects. It just takes the desire to change, and enough motivation to step off the easy and well-worn path. One needs to muster the courage to forge new trails and conquer new horizons. But drugs are not required.

Medications all-too-often only provide temporary relief. In some cases, a period of drug-mediated improvement in depression can give one the solid ground needed to step in a new direction. After that, the ideal decision would be to withdraw the drug in short order. I believe medications can play a useful, even vital role. But pharmaceutical agents can not, and should not be the only compass used to find a new way to live. Lifelong treatment with psychiatric medications is questionable, and despite what we are led to believe, most pharmaceutical agents lack scientific evidence of usefulness over long term treatment. So if drugs are used at all, they should be used in the lowest number, at the lowest doses, and for the shortest time possible. It takes much effort and time to change neural pathways without drugs, but the improvement is longer lasting, without side effects, and far more natural.

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