WillSpirit!

Today’s post really will be short, just the way I had hoped all my ‘tips’ for surviving on Earth would be. Partly, it’s because I’m not feeling well: the body feels achy and fatigued, the mind slightly dull and blue. Such states happen to humans, or at least to me. When I feel like this, it is important to maintain the long view. Perhaps more for those with mood conditions than those without, it is easy to get trapped by the moment’s mood. If I feel a bit down now, something inside me concludes that this is just the way the world is: it’s a depressing place, and always has been, and always will be.

But of course that’s not true. Yesterday at this exact same time of day (6:30 am) I felt delightful. My heart thrummed happily and I was brimming with memories of the previous day spent on a beautiful hike in Yosemite (Hetch Hetchy–photo above) with my wife. For some reason, now that things feel a little icky, my heart wants to generalize. It forgets the good feelings of 24 hours ago. It forgets all the good feelings of my life. My heart has a ‘depressed’ nest that it knows intimately, and it settles into the dark chamber as if that were its only home. This, I think, is what psychiatrists mean when they say depression can be a delusional disorder. My heart’s conclusion that the world is fundamentally not working for me is flawed and based on limited data. If I look at the evidence of my entire life I come up with a different perspective: life is often hard, but not always. If I wait, the good times and the good feelings will come again. It’s almost guaranteed.

So I need to use my cognitive mind to override my heart’s pessimism. I need to remind myself, repeatedly, that this is just a mood and that it will pass. It also helps to practice mindfulness in this situation, but I’m trying to limit my posts to one point each so I won’t go into that. Instead, I’ll emphasize that one can combat darkness with a trained mind. I won’t be able to talk myself into full happiness, but if I replay pleasant memories, keep the long view in mind, and work on patience, I’ll pass through this dip in the road in short order. The alternative would be to believe my heart’s pessimism, but I intend to resist that delusion.