A comment on my essay Truer than Truth, left by the author of Just Some Stuff About Life As I See It, gave me the idea for today’s post and tip for clarity. JSS spotted undeniable pitfalls in visualizing a better childhood than the one actually lived. If one were to only deal with a traumatic upbringing by imagining a better past, one would simply be in deep denial. There is little recovery to be gained by unexamined denial (though it is sometimes necessary for survival). Also, if I psychically embraced only my fictional family and not my real one, I would be rejecting the wisdom and empathy that (eventually) arose as a result of my experiences.
The trick of imagining a better past only works in the context of a large collection of practices for emotional and spiritual growth. Sometimes I find it more effective to meditate, or just contemplate, about the ways hardship shapes me. Some of my most difficult recent losses have led to unexpected gains in personal maturity and spiritual understanding, and when I feel really put upon it helps to list the positive aspects of events that sometimes seem purely negative. It can be more challenging, but just as valuable, to do the same thing with childhood trauma. I could remind myself, for instance, that going into a healing field (acupuncture) with an eye toward helping those in emotional distress is well-served by my first-person understanding of child abuse. No doubt many who come to me for help (assuming some do) will have endured abusive upbringings.
But the need for flexibility and variety in recovery goes further. If one is dedicated to living well (and this is true for both those with and without psychiatric histories), one needs to attend to the body with proper nutrition, exercise, sleep, hygiene, and health care. One needs to nurture the soul with sojourns in nature, meditation, prayer, and deep acceptance. One needs to develop the mind with readings about recovery, childhood, mental health, and many other topics relevant to growth. And finally, one needs to pleasure the heart with loving relationships, play, creativity, and beauty. There are countless ways to approach each of these categories. For instance, prayer can be spoken in church, it can be offered silently while walking or in bed, it can be sung, or it can be a simple wordless opening to the loving and creative forces of the universe. Although I am often (not always) rather atheistic in my philosophy, I still pray. Perhaps all that hears me is my unconscious mind, but isn’t it valuable to humble oneself before the deeper parts of one’s being? Isn’t this true whether or not there is an actual, listening God? Prayer is a category of tool that comes in many shapes, and can be used in many ways, by anyone.
A skilled craftsperson knows how to select the proper tools for a job, and flexibly shifts among them as he or she works. A long time ago, when I still practiced as a surgeon, I was careful to choose the appropriate instrument for each step in every procedure. As a simple, basic example, I wouldn’t use a scalpel if scissors made more sense. We are all the surgeons of our own personalities. Although events shape us, especially in childhood, we can stitch our experiences into our being in whatever way works best. With a good selection of tools for growth we can pursue healing activities and thoughts, and when we get struck by events outside our control, we can optimize interpretations and responses. If one is dedicated to personal and spiritual development, one is well-advised to put together a large toolbox of tricks to achieve balance, and to use them with creativity and flare.
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